I visited the town I grew up in as a kid today… Windham, Maine, about 10 miles inland from Portland. It was very powerful and brought up a lot of feelings…

I walked the edge of the same country road I walked every day to school; past the hill we used to sled down in winter, past the fields where I picked corn as a young farm worker, past the pond where I fished…

Many of the days I walked this road as a kid, I was sad and lonely… feeling out of place, awkward, not fitting in. I didn’t fit in at home, I didn’t fit in at school, I didn’t fit in with the kids in the neighborhood… I felt so out of place, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, and it caused a profound sense of despair. The thought of suicide, of taking my own life to put an end to the obvious mismatch of me and this world, was a thought that shadowed many of my steps.

Back then, I thought I was the only kid who felt that way… Now I know that most of us felt that loneliness as a kid; it is the loneliness of forsaking our connection with our inner knowing, to try and belong to a world that does not honor true feelings and knowings…

As I walked along this road today, I walked beside the me that was a kid… I felt the depths of my despair, my deep aching cry to feel a sense of belonging, any sense of comfort that yes, I fit in. As I re-traced these steps, I remembered stopping to marvel at the colors of the roadside pebbles on rainy days and spring thaws, revealing flashes of hidden light from the wetness. I remembered the great blue heron  that would startle me with the flapping of his wings, breaking me from my thoughts as he took flight from the quiet of the pond. I climbed down and peered into the culvert that carried the stream under the road, a culvert I’d crawled thru as a kid.

As I walked today, I reached out to the lonely me of my youth, told myself that everything’s ok, that things get better, that I’m perfect just as I am… I shared with him words of comfort that spontaneously came forth…

It was very healing, I felt the younger me receiving my love… I flashed back and forth, in and out of time, until there were not two of me but one, both the old and the new, looking out at the world from the same two eyes, traversing the path of my youth with the same two legs.

Then I turned down my street, looked with wonder at the trees lining both sides of the road; trees that I walked beneath every day for years!

My love for these trees jumped out of me; I swooned at the love between us… and I felt the child me, and his love of these trees… and then I felt the tree’s love for me; back then and right now…

I came to the big spruce at the end of the yard, my favorite place to go and hide… a huge girth of a trunk, its thick array of strong branches, close together, easy to climb… This tree was one of my first secret places, a tall sentry between the painful reality of of denial and deceit that was the curse of my family heritage, and the strong quiet comfort that Nature so readily gave… I would climb these branches, sit on the smooth sway of their arc, and, hidden in the aura of her cloak, I would sit and cry and be strangely comforted…

I don’t remember what was said; only the sense of love and connection. This tree was my family, is my family, it nurtured and loved and accepted me in a way that my biological family couldn’t. Not because they didn’t want to but because they were too present to their own pain to recognize mine… The tree gave me belonging, camaraderie, community in ways that I didn’t understand but clearly felt. I dare say it kept me alive.

And standing before it today, I know I don’t have to be in its physical presence to feel it; its always present within me, just think of it and it is here…

I still have times of struggle, still feel the loneliness of despair, when the beauty and love and visions I feel so strongly within me seem of little or no value to the rest of my species. I still have times where the fear of being unable or of not having enough time to communicate the magic of what I see causes me to be overwhelmed in hopelessness…

And still, when I feel this overwhelm, this sense of despair, I go where I have always gone to receive comfort; I go to Nature. Here I am held, here I am joined, here I am one with all the beauty and the grace…

Even now, as I face the noisy clamor of fear and insecurities within me, I have the presence of mind to relax and soften. As I do, I feel the presence of a wiser me, a more compassionate and loving me,  comforting and reassuring me that yes, all is well and all is beautiful…

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Joe’s upcoming dolphin trips & events

JOE NOONAN is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual guide. He leads leadership retreats around the world and facilitates self awareness programs for those on the path of awakening.

A guest on National Geographic, Fox TV and Oprah, Joe reflects back to people that this world is already a Heaven on Earth, and that the tools to find joy in the moment are around and within us. Following are some of his programs:

Custom Wild Dolphin Trips!

Self Awakening Seminars

Creating Conscious Corporations

Joe & Jen at The Wide Awakening

Joe’s videos on YouTube
Joe’s blog ‘Everyday Ecstasy’

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© Joe Noonan

In the UK enjoying the massive trees! Just made a quick video from beneath this one…

(If you cannot see the video, click here)

Breath;

Its how we start and finish this life…

Where did your breath come from???

(Where is it going???)

Things are really taking flight over here in my slice of the world… I’m renaming this blog and giving it it’s own website.

I love the name Everyday Ecstasy, it captures in a nutshell what I live and love; the ecstasy of everyday life. So why change it?

Because ecstasy is too big/foreign/imposing a word for many people. Some don’t know how to spell it (including myself at first).

I searched for an easier, friendlier, more inviting name, and I love ‘A Joyful Nature’. Its even a bit of a pun! (Outdoor Nature and Human Nature)

Its being switched over tomorrow, and if all goes as planned, you won’t notice a thing. If we have to ask you to resubscribe, I apologize! Once we get it settled in the next day or two, we’ll be off and running (and playing and posting and celebrating!)

The mission and vision is still the same; Celebrating our Love of Life! Thank you for your participation and your comments!

A handful of amazing color!

I’m making some new videos for YouTube, one of them will be a slideshow of these autumn colors! More beauty and color coming your way…

PS: Click on the photo to see the rest of the photos on picasa